And so they do. God's Country. Full of God's greatest creations, all on show for the rest of the country to see. The real winner of the debut episode was irony I think. Let's look at some of the finer moments of irony:
- the opening line of my absolute favourites Sophie, and the phonetically spelt Vernesa, regarding a tissue massage - "it's like really deep", just like their intelligence people.
- the soundtrack of the lives of these brilliant young things frollicking on Cronulla Beach - Paul Kelly, 'I've done all the dumb things" - lay it on thick Channel Ten...
- Rif Raf - his attempt at irony, but I'd suggest... an apt name for him
- The mummified corpse of a plastic surgeon suggesting that it's better to have a little bit of expression as she jabs Botox into Vernesa's line free forehead...and
- The 'Southwest boys' (sigh) rapping about their hard ass life, against a palm tree backdrop, backlit by Bunnings fairy lights at their Mum's house. I was scared. It was like downtown LA in that Sylvania Waters waterfront....
More trout pout than a Scottish river, more tattoo sleeves than a Big Day Out - The Shire lived up to its promise. The only white skin was on the sea gulls - everyone else was on the skin colour spectrum of jaffa through mocha, and cheetah bikinis were the uniform of the day.
No awkwardness at all on this 'dramality'. I was on tenterhooks when Gabby accidentally wandered up just in time to confront her ex Mitch as he came out of the surf - would she get an invite to the hottest party of the year from her ex? Relief - yes, the producers made it so. And absolutely no awkwardness when Beckaa (with two a's please), held her DAD'S hand in the limo!!! That was her Dad????? I assumed the way she was speaking that it was her lover. I threw up a bit in my mouth... and then threw up completely when she referred to herself as prettty. Pretty? Pretty is hair that doesn't break off at the neck from over peroxiding at the tender age of 20. Pretty is not striding through an airport looking like a grey Wookie stepping off the Millenium Falcon. Enough said.
Beckaa's dad seems creepy. But Gabby's mum Gaynor seemed frighteningly normal until she stated outright that Gabby would NEVER EVER find a guy like Mitch again - better hang onto to that high school sweetheart love - life finishes after Year 12 in the Shire, didn't you know?
And let's not mention New Money Mrs Rif Raf - roll out the Versace chinaware darl, you are all class....loved her shock at a party with 70 PEOPLE - 70!!! OMG, that's huge!!!!
I'll award best line to Vernesa for this episode - "Wish it was the first time I got a little prick" - almost bordering on witty Vernesa, almost.
So, these are the questions that leave us hanging after the debut episode:
- Exactly how many of Mitch's exes will we meet?
- Why was that blonde guy on crutches - oh wait a minute, I don't actually care
- Did Channel 10 really expect us to believe that the gay guy was a good judge of whether Beckaa's breasts were good enough to motor boat? Seriously
- What in God's name is Beckaa doing at a university???
AND.....
- When is Chris Lilley going to jump up and say "Surprise...."
Until next week, Shire locals....
Next post - A Big Monument for the Shire?
What is that popping sound you ask? It's our collective brain cells popping after watching that disaster of a program. How will us "Shire" folk EVER live that one down? On a more positive note... Bring on Puberty Blues!
ReplyDeleteI didn;t think we had any energy to live another disaster down!!!! ha ha. Yeah, Puberty Blues looks good doesn't it?
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